


Dear Estel

by FloatingLeaf



Category: The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-09
Updated: 2014-05-09
Packaged: 2018-01-24 02:23:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1588178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FloatingLeaf/pseuds/FloatingLeaf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Legolas makes a decision.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dear Estel

He's giving me those looks again. Lingering, wistful. Admiring. An implicit caress from under lowered lashes, dissolving into embarrassment and denial whenever I look his way. Or, less frequently, a sudden burst of fire from within his darkened eyes, extinguished quickly as he turns his head to the side, blushing and unconsciously lifting an arm to rub his fingers against the back of his neck. Poor, dear Estel... we have been friends for so long - how can he think I am not familiar with all his little gestures and mannerisms by now? How can he assume I do not know what they mean? Yet, he does not seem to realize that to me, he is like an open book. Which I am reading with increasing fascination, I might add. I see desire there - which, I am told, is strong and quick to kindle among the race of Men, and does not require any deeper feelings on their part before it can consume them - but I also see much more than that. I see great tenderness which sends liquid warmth coursing through my veins. I see devotion - the kind one might expect from the most steadfast friend or a brother, but also the kind implicit between soulmates. I see his heart right there, offered to me on the palm of his hand - even though he keeps bravely trying to contain all those emotions behind his typical calm and collected demeanor. He seems to think their intensity would somehow offend me. Or he fears rejection, perhaps. He has no idea how incredibly difficult it would be to say no to him - even were I not interested. I am at an unfair advantage, I admit - we Elves find it much easier to control our feelings and keep them well hidden, should we choose to. It takes centuries of practice, which Men do not have at their disposal. But, on the other hand, with time it can also become increasingly difficult to show intense emotions, even if we want to. Which is precisely why I haven't acknowledged or responded to Estel's silent courtship so far. It's been decades since I felt such a strong attraction to anyone - and never before have I felt it for a mortal. I am not sure I can cope with the fact that he will not be here forever... It hurts enough to lose a dear friend - but to lose a soulmate... My heart clenches in terror at the very thought. Should I accept his pledge and all the future pain that will come with it, or should I keep pretending I am oblivious and hope, for his sake, that he might experience a change of heart?... No! It is too late already, for I find I cannot bear the thought of him being bound to another. When did this happen?... Where is this fabled control I have been boasting of?... He conquered me already, without so much as a word of admission, and I still waver?... How selfish, how unworthy of him that makes me. He seems willing to give all he has for the brief span of his mortal existence - and here I am, withholding my consent, even though each day brings us closer to that final parting. What on Middle Earth am I waiting for?... Isn't he worth an eternity of heartbreak and an ocean of tears?... Would I rather cry tears of regret for what was NOT after he is gone?...

Enough is enough. We are heading towards my father's halls - no more than two days' journey by now. Once we get there, I shall give him rooms next to mine, and I shall serve him the strongest wine from our cellars - the one that has enough fire to burn through all his inhibitions. And then I shall come into his bedchamber at night, wearing nothing but the finest silken robe, open in the middle. And if he still hesitates, I shall climb right under the covers and pull him into my arms. I shall let him feel my desire and see the love in my eyes - so that he cannot look away. I am sure that words will not be necessary - but if he wants to hear it nonetheless, I shall tell him. You are the one, Estel, now and ever. I choose you with full awareness of the consequences. It is no more than you deserve. Let us have this moment - this life - so that I may treasure it forever in my heart. Show me the burning human passion and let me reward it with centuries of experience in the arts of love. I've never been so eager to practice those particular skills, my dearest friend. But most of all, I want to feel your young, untamed desire consume every fiber of my being. How we shall burn brightly in the night - the very moon and stars shall fade in comparison. How your sword-calloused hands shall brand my skin...

"Legolas?..."

I blink dazedly, breaking out of my fantasy at the sound of his voice. "Yes, Estel?..." 

"You seem very distracted. Is something troubling you, _mellon_?" 

"Oh, no. It's nothing." By Elbereth - am I the one blushing now?... Can he see it?... "We should be breaking camp soon, don't you think? If we travel fast, we might make the borders of my father's realm by sunset." 

"Then we should aim to do so. You must be very eager to see your family again." 

I blush harder this time - if that is even possible for an Elf. "Of course I am", I proclaim matter-of-factly. "I am also very eager to have you taste my father's excellent wines", I add, unable to contain the little smirk that seems determined to conquer my face. 

"They must be excellent indeed, judging by your expression", he says, sounding quite intrigued.

"Oh yes, my dear friend, I can assure you of that. They certainly are." Suddenly feeling reckless, I grin at him broadly, and even allow myself a wink.

He grins back, slightly incredulous but intensely happy, and the joy radiating from his rugged face warms me more than the bright morning sun. "Let us go then. Lead the way, and I shall follow." 

Yes, Estel. I know you like to walk slightly behind me, watching my backside while I am watching our surroundings for any sign of danger. It is more flattering than you think, if slightly irresponsible. Of course you are utterly unaware that I have noticed this transgression - or that it is already forgiven. I can't wait to see why you find my backside so fascinating, by the way. You shall be given free rein to explore it to your heart's content - as soon as we're safe within my father's fortress. It wouldn't do to give in to my curiosity here in the wild - someone has to be able to retain full command of their senses, after all. If for the next two days only. So it is just as well that I am walking ahead and studiously ignoring the way you look at me. Even if I can feel your eyes on me right through every layer of clothing. But patience is a virtue, and it shall have its reward. Soon.


End file.
